Summer Fades

Summer was the greatest time of my life. Edmund made my life SO much better. I spent my summer either talking with him, holding his hand, kissing him, or dreaming about him. We spoke on the Comm links for hours asking each other questions and geeking out about old movies. He says he loves me. I told him I loved him back. I meant it.... Which is strange, because I never thought I would even when I got older. I never thought that I'd let my ridiculously thick guard down and actually love someone with my whole heart. He means everything to me.

I know I'm being gushy and lovey dovey, but this guy... He's everything I've ever wanted. And ever will want. I want us to get to know each other over a really, really long time. I want him to be telling the truth when he tells me he loves me. I hope he is.

And when the sun came up on the first day of school, I was terrified that we were going to sink back into just being friends. Although we aren't official, I wanted to stay the way we were... Open, honest, kissy-faced and in love. The last few days have been torture.

He's been busy.

I have not.

And it's really a matter of me over-thinking it; of me wanting attention from someone I shouldn't possibly deserve. I keep glancing at the door of the side of our long hallways expecting him to come out of one. I know he won't, he has extra classes to take, other things to do... But in the last few days I've noticed how many ludicrously attractive girls hang around him... And they seem very surprised to see me. They only look at him when it's both he and I standing there, and not in a friend way. Even I'm gawking at these girls with a wee bit of jealousy, but then he turns and looks at me again. He's got those eyes that I love so much, and they look at the inside of me.The real me. He eyes me the way that no one else does, and I've never seen him look at anyone else like that.

I'm just not used to him not being able to talk to me at any time of day. I'm not used to him being under a mile away and me not being able to walk over to see him if I want. It's funky, because most of our relationship has been placed over times when we could spend HOURS talking without distraction, kissing, going places together, etc. We're back at school where every move we make is monitored, our absence never goes unnoticed, and we only see each other a little bit out of the day.

I'm bored, he's not.

So he may not miss me as much as I miss him. And he likes to make it to his classes on time, so he doesn't mingle en route to them very well. Lunch is the only time we've had, and a few moments between classes, both times we're too surrounded by people to be truly affectionate. I'll see him tomorrow, and repeat the "fun" experience once more.