In the beginning of almost every murder mystery, the camera fades into what seems like a normal and exciting situation, and then you see the body on the floor. It's mangled, broken, and obviously obliterated beyond any recognition. I last spoke to you just after the summer of last year. I didn't feel like talking to anyone. Even an electronic device that is at my fingertips at all times. I didn't want to admit that Edmond broke my heart. I didn't want to tell you that I felt like I'd been shredded.
It was predictable. He told me about his mission as an Ancient, and how he still loved me but he couldn't let me interfere with that. I didn't heal, I couldn't let it go because I knew he still had feelings for me. Sometimes I can see him inbetween training sessions and I want to run to him and have him hold me again... but I know he won't. It's like passing by a ghost, partially ethereal, and partially reaching out. It's what makes our hair stand on end, our skin crawl. Because something in that room is fighting to be. To exist... But it can't.
About two months after the original breaking-of-ties, some friends and I were going shopping for some gear, we wanted to go to "The Riot" which is a retail store well appreciated by people with as little money as ourselves.
It was Edmond's birthday. It began to rain that night, it rained like the sky was expecting something to happen. It was pouring buckets of water down on all of us, my friends ran into their car, trying to save their tronics from shorting out. And then in the midst of the pure smell of the rain and the cold in the air I felt a hand on my waist. I turned and he was there, he scooped me up into the most wonderful, romantic kiss I could have ever imagined. Those months of silence and forgetfulness were gone, at least they were for now. That was one of the greatest nights of my life. He held me, he told me he loved me again, and for one moment it was ALL back.
And then that moment died. Like that body on the mystery film, broken, and disfigured.
It only took him so long to realize that he'd broken his rule to himself. He wanted to do the right thing. I don't know how heartbreak and lying to yourself is supposed to help his conscience, but a few very wise men have said so. You can't argue with wisdom. Unless wisdom isn't what you're going for.
Maybe you're going for happiness.
For the past few months I have been switching on and off with Edmond in the most frustrating roller coaster ride ever invented. I love him. I'm completely in love with Edmond. Even when things get tough, even when guys come waltzing around the corner with a resume that surpasses his by a mile, a guy who wants me, a guy who wants to give me the world, there's that one sad little detail... I'm in love with someone else. Someone who wants to do the right thing. As an Ancient, my light is brightest around Edmond. He makes me want to be a better person. To rise above the world and progress. I know by clinging to this lost romance, I'm practically beating that dead body myself, but... I can't help it. I'm trapped. Trapped until one of us stops loving the other.
As long as there's love, there's a glimmer of hope. And I can't give up on that.
"I know what's best for me, but I want you instead." -- Over and Over by Three Days Grace
It was predictable. He told me about his mission as an Ancient, and how he still loved me but he couldn't let me interfere with that. I didn't heal, I couldn't let it go because I knew he still had feelings for me. Sometimes I can see him inbetween training sessions and I want to run to him and have him hold me again... but I know he won't. It's like passing by a ghost, partially ethereal, and partially reaching out. It's what makes our hair stand on end, our skin crawl. Because something in that room is fighting to be. To exist... But it can't.
About two months after the original breaking-of-ties, some friends and I were going shopping for some gear, we wanted to go to "The Riot" which is a retail store well appreciated by people with as little money as ourselves.
It was Edmond's birthday. It began to rain that night, it rained like the sky was expecting something to happen. It was pouring buckets of water down on all of us, my friends ran into their car, trying to save their tronics from shorting out. And then in the midst of the pure smell of the rain and the cold in the air I felt a hand on my waist. I turned and he was there, he scooped me up into the most wonderful, romantic kiss I could have ever imagined. Those months of silence and forgetfulness were gone, at least they were for now. That was one of the greatest nights of my life. He held me, he told me he loved me again, and for one moment it was ALL back.
And then that moment died. Like that body on the mystery film, broken, and disfigured.
It only took him so long to realize that he'd broken his rule to himself. He wanted to do the right thing. I don't know how heartbreak and lying to yourself is supposed to help his conscience, but a few very wise men have said so. You can't argue with wisdom. Unless wisdom isn't what you're going for.
Maybe you're going for happiness.
For the past few months I have been switching on and off with Edmond in the most frustrating roller coaster ride ever invented. I love him. I'm completely in love with Edmond. Even when things get tough, even when guys come waltzing around the corner with a resume that surpasses his by a mile, a guy who wants me, a guy who wants to give me the world, there's that one sad little detail... I'm in love with someone else. Someone who wants to do the right thing. As an Ancient, my light is brightest around Edmond. He makes me want to be a better person. To rise above the world and progress. I know by clinging to this lost romance, I'm practically beating that dead body myself, but... I can't help it. I'm trapped. Trapped until one of us stops loving the other.
As long as there's love, there's a glimmer of hope. And I can't give up on that.
"I know what's best for me, but I want you instead." -- Over and Over by Three Days Grace
